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“Think positive!” The advice comes from a good place, but it can be annoying, especially when everything is going wrong. Positive thinking sometimes gets a bad rap: it’s associated with naive optimism and the pressure to smile no matter what. But understood well, it’s nothing superficial.
Thinking positive doesn’t mean denying difficulties. It means learning to notice what’s going well, too, and believing in your ability to take action. Here’s what research says, the pitfalls of forced positivity, and seven habits for cultivating realistic optimism. To distinguish an encouraging phrase from a promise, our guide to the Coué method and autosuggestion explains the historical practice and its limits.
What is positive thinking?
The phrase was popularized in the 1950s by the book The Power of Positive Thinking by American pastor Norman Vincent Peale. It describes the habit of focusing on the favorable aspects of a situation and looking to the future with hope.
In the late 1990s, psychologist Martin Seligman launched a related scientific field, positive psychology, which studies what helps people thrive: positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment. His work added a lot of nuance to the idea of positive thinking.
What research says
Martin Seligman showed, among other things, that optimism is linked to how we explain events. Faced with a failure, a pessimistic person tends to see it as lasting, widespread, and solely their fault: “I’m useless; I always mess everything up.” An optimistic person is more likely to see it as temporary, limited, and tied to circumstances: “I wasn’t prepared enough this time.”
The good news: this explanatory style can change with practice. Seligman called this learned optimism. Many studies also link optimism to better ways of coping with stress and to health-promoting behaviors.
The trap of toxic positivity
Positive thinking becomes toxic when it forbids unpleasant emotions: “don’t be sad,” “others have it worse,” “stay positive.” Even when well intentioned, these phrases invalidate what you feel. And trying to push a thought away often has the opposite effect: psychology experiments have shown that trying not to think about something makes it more present in your mind.
Unpleasant emotions have a purpose: sadness signals a loss, anger an injustice, fear a danger. Welcoming them doesn’t get in the way of optimism; on the contrary, recognizing what’s wrong is how you can take action to make things better. Our article on the letting go explores this approach of welcoming rather than resisting. When anxiety rises, choose affirmations that acknowledge what you feel. A more balanced way of phrasing things can also help you putting the labels you give yourself into perspective.
7 habits to cultivate realistic positive thinking
1. Notice what’s going well
Each evening, write down three things that went well and why. This exercise, studied by Martin Seligman, trains your attention to notice the positive. You can add it to a gratitude journal.
2. Reframe setbacks
When something goes wrong, replace “always,” “never,” and “everything” with more precise wording: “this time,” “in this area,” “at that moment.” The exercise below will help you practice.
3. Speak to yourself with kindness
Pay attention to your inner voice. If you’d never say to a friend what you say to yourself, rephrase it. The positive affirmations can help, as long as they feel believable. When repeating a compliment increases the pressure, you can try neutral, believable affirmations.
4. Choose your influences
Round-the-clock news, some social media, and certain conversations can sustain a negative atmosphere. Without isolating yourself, choose when you get your news and surround yourself with people who make you feel good.
5. Look for solutions
Realistic optimism doesn’t say “everything will be fine.” It asks, “What can I do to make things better?” Faced with a problem, list three possible actions, even if they’re not perfect.
6. Savor the moment
Take time to linger on good moments: a meal, a conversation, a landscape. Researchers call this savoring: consciously extending a pleasant emotion by paying attention to it.
7. Take care of your body
Lack of sleep, a sedentary lifestyle, or hunger can cast a gray tint over your thoughts. Getting enough sleep, moving every day, and getting some fresh air are valuable allies of optimism.
Read alsoLimiting beliefs: how to recognize and move beyond them, one step at a timePositive thinking and manifestation
Positive thinking plays a central role in law of attraction, which encourages you to cultivate pleasant thoughts and emotions. Still, be mindful of the idea that you should stay “in a high vibration” all the time: it can quickly become a source of guilt on difficult days. Realistic optimism, which also welcomes unpleasant emotions, is more sustainable and kinder.
Positive psychology explained
For a complementary perspective, watch this video from Dr. Tracey Marks.
Frequently asked questions
Does positive thinking really work?
It doesn’t change events, but it influences how you experience and respond to them. Realistic optimism is associated with better stress management and greater perseverance.
Can you become optimistic if you’re naturally pessimistic?
Yes, to some extent. The way you explain events can change with practice. You may not become an unshakable optimist, but you can gain perspective and confidence.
Should you chase away negative thoughts?
No. Trying to push them away often makes them stronger. It’s better to notice them, question them, and put them in perspective, then return to what you can do.
Sources
- Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410-421.
- Wegner D. M., Schneider D. J., Carter S. R., White T. L. (1987). Paradoxical effects of thought suppression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53(1), 5-13.
